February 2012
That thing where someone cancels on you last minute at 3 AM and you get kind of angry for whatever dumb reason (because it’s 3 in the goddamn morning and that’s the #1 time for people canceling everything ever so quit acting shocked) and now you’re really drunk and also pretty stoned and wide awake and you want to text someone else and be like “whaddup” but you...
Theory:
Brain parasites carried by cats are causing people to post cat memes on the internet, thereby making it more likely that people will find cats adorable and adopt them, giving the parasite a chance to reproduce with a fresh crop of uninfected hosts.
Evolution - 1,000,000
Us - 0
“If Justin Bieber has taught me anything, it’s to never say never.”
– me.
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Lil Wayne // Go DJ
So I’ma walk into...
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“Jesus, you speak in complete sentences. No one would believe you’re from...”
– The bartender.
I went from going to bed to splitting several huge bottled craft IPAs with the bartender at the neighborhood bar. Oh, and they’re free.
try to take 45 minute nap
alarm doesn’t go off
accidentally sleep for several hours
wake up
look at clock
freak out
rip someone/anyone’s face off
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“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts,...”
– Shel Silverstein (via optionsoflife)
There’s no way Eli’s mom is letting him drive that thing.
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And with one ill-advised sprint on the sideline,...
That was the literal dumbest thing ever. Someone on the Giants training staff needs to be fired, like, 3 minutes ago.
This Super Bowl has already been far more...
If we're being honest, every Coca-Cola commercial...
globalwarming #;(
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Some twatwaffle took time out of his day to... →
Hey guy,
You’re a jerk.
Puppies rule.
-Mike.
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Addendum
My oldest brother Chris emailed me a list of other notable medical emergencies that were ignored before my time to be tacked onto yesterday’s post. He wrote the following (edited for the sake of a short post):
197x - My grandfather, a funeral director, helps a woman into his car to take her to make arrangements for her very recently deceased husband. The woman slams the door on her own...
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A brief medical history of my family*:
198? - My brother Dan breaks his foot. The fracture is actually discovered over a year later, after he broke the same foot again. Both fractures were found on the same x-ray.
1995 - I fall on hot asphalt, removing a Nike logo-shaped chunk of my face and knocking out several teeth. I decide no one will notice and carry on with my business.
1998 - My mom has a heart attack. She ignores it; is...
Anonymous asked: Why are you so sexy? How are you so sexy? Why be anxious when you're so sexy? Sexy cat man is sexy.
r2-she2 asked: How are you? How is life? Why are you in the woods?
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“Where is home? I’ve wondered where home is, and I realized, it’s not...”
– Kurt Vonnegut.
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Telepopmusik // Breathe
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January 2012
PA House Votes Bible as Book of the Year →
wtf-pennsylvania:damnhellasskings:
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