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A brief medical history of my family*:

  • 198? - My brother Dan breaks his foot. The fracture is actually discovered over a year later, after he broke the same foot again. Both fractures were found on the same x-ray.
  • 1995 - I fall on hot asphalt, removing a Nike logo-shaped chunk of my face and knocking out several teeth. I decide no one will notice and carry on with my business.
  • 1998 - My mom has a heart attack. She ignores it; is actually fine.
  • 2003 - My brother Chris breaks his arm in a car accident. X-rays show that it’s fine. Doctors refuse to treat it, despite Chris’ insistence that his arm feels super duper broken. Turns out it was broken. It eventually heals, more or less.
  • 2004 - My father contracts pneumonia in both lungs. My brother arrives at the hospital and discovers my father standing outside in a hospital gown and blue jeans with his IV pole, smoking a Pall Mall unfiltered cigarette.
  • 2009 - My father is diagnosed with lymphoma. My brother arrives at the cancer treatment center and discovers my father standing outside with his chemo drip, smoking a Pall Mall unfiltered cigarette.
  • 2011 - I break my right hand my first weekend in New York. Not wanting to deal with “hospitals” or “doctors” at 2 AM, I drink several glasses of whiskey and reset the hand myself. It eventually heals, more or less.

  1. ndeddiemac said: Seems legit
  2. dagotron said: Yeah, the males in my family are notorious for avoiding the doctor.
  3. bendawson said: Cousin?
  4. natuhtack said: Like bosses.
  5. belcantoaria said: woah. you guys need a movie. but I’m pretty sure nobody would believe it.
  6. hammerito posted this
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Friday, 3rd February
#*All dates approximate