Okay, so this is a terrible video and I look like hell, but I decided to do a quick kettlebell workout while I wait for my laundry.

Things:

  • This kettlebell is 30 lb. (about 14 kg.)
  • If you’ve never done kettlebells before, start with the lightest weight available. Seriously, I can’t overemphasize this: form is everything with kettlebells, so use a light weight while you figure out the movements.
  • HOLD ON TO THE KETTLEBELL.
  • Mind your feet. Kettlebell movements rely on balance, so I’m wearing Chuck Taylors and doing this on hardwood. You want the hardest, most stable surface you can find.
  • I shortened this by a bunch. I’d recommend doing 10-15 reps per hand (notice I keep switching to keep it even), per exercise. Take a few minutes and repeat the circuit. Do the entire thing 3 to 5 times. Drink water. Say your prayers. Take your vitamins. Be a real American.

DISCLAIMER:

***Always consult doctors and fitness professionals before starting a workout routine, especially one in which form is crucial. Seriously, don’t do this if you’re not 100% sure you’re doing it right. Stay safe, bbs.***

The exercises:

  1. Kettlebell lunge - since I only own one kettlebell, I modified this by holding the kettlebell directly over my shoulder. The kettlebell’s center of mass should be over the scapula (shoulder blade) at all times. If you’re doing this, just grab two light kettlebells and hold them at your sides. Land with your foot flat on the floor, touch your knee lightly to the ground if you can, and push your body straight backwards, driving from the heel. If you’ve never done a lunge before, start by doing it with no weights at all. Balance is key.
  2. One-armed kettlebell front squat - Begin with your heels directly under your shoulders with feet angled outward. I have poor hip mobility and bad knees, so I use a severe foot angle (each is rotated about 35-40 degrees outward, which engages the hip adductors and puts the weight on my butt/pelvis rather than my knees. It’s more of a ballet-style plie than a standard squat). Go as deep into the movement as your body will allow - I try to go slightly deeper on each rep, though there’s obviously a limit. Keep a natural curve in your lower back, keep your upper back straight, and your head forward. Look up slightly and exhale as you begin your ascent.
  3. Kettlebell swing - Keep that same back posture - natural curve in the lower back, upper back straight, and head forward and straight - throughout the entirety of this movement. At the bottom, you’ll be in a semi-squat with the kettlebell between your legs as though it’s a football that you’re hiking to Tony Romo so he can throw 5 interceptions with it. Inhale as you reach the bottom of the movement. Begin your ascent with your legs - power from your hips, butt, and hamstrings. Snap your hips forward powerfully, squeeze your butt and abs at the same time, and watch the kettlebell rise to eye level. You should be standing perfectly erect at the top of the movement. This is NOT a shoulder exercise. Your arms are merely a guide. Your legs provide all the juice here. (note: my form on these is not great. DON’T rotate your torso and DO keep your shoulders back. I flubbed a few reps and I’m kind of upset about it.)
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Wednesday, 3rd October

I’m bored, so I decided to do a supafast workout video for those of us who, for whatever reason, own a car in the city. If you’re bored during the hour or so between when you first move your car and when you next move your car, do the following:

- Get a door-mounted pull-up bar
- Pad the everloving shit out of your doorway to prevent leverage-based symmetrical denting on each side of the door frame which will cost you your security deposit
- Do 5 pull-ups with a wide grip, palms forward; 5 with palms neutral (facing one another); and 5 chin-ups (hands close, palms facing you). Swing as little as possible and complete as many sets as you can in an hour. I’m aiming for 15 sets, one every four minutes. The set you see here was #11.
- You can superset this with* good form biceps curls (elbows pressed firmly against your ribs).

*superset = do alternating sets of

Exhale as you pull yourself up; inhale as gravity wrests your mortal vessel earthward.

Be careful, use good form, and lie down immediately if you get lightheaded during exercise. Consult a doctor-person before starting an exercise thingy.

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Thursday, 18th July